The central focus of what I’ve learned through coaching this past year is that it is my thoughts which dictate my feelings. Such an idea is revolutionary when I had operated for most of my life under the assumption that feelings just happened to me and I was a victim to them.
Of course, feelings do at times come on us unaware. Anxiety and depression do this to me regularly, blindsiding me even when things seem to be going just fine. And although I’ve yet to discover a 12-step program that will make anxiety and depression disappear forever, I now know how to take them as the opportunity to assess my thoughts. For example, what thoughts have I been thinking (even unknowingly) that might have contributed to this? How can I take care of myself right now instead of shaming myself for being human? How can I access the peace of God that He has already provided me? What abundant thoughts can I begin to try on rather than allowing my thoughts of lack spiral out of control?
Operating under this new approach to thoughts and feelings is empowering and liberating.
Encouraged by such freedom, I have decided to begin to pursue some of the “way too hard” things I’ve been putting off for years. I started creating digital products for my company. I launched a store. I opened an Instagram account. I started writing an advanced American literature class that I’ve had notes for sitting in a file two years running. I started blogging again. I started writing a book.
I think what I’ve realized is that there’s never a perfect time to start all the things to want to do, and you’ll never ever feel “ready.” You’re brain will jump in to criticize and sow seeds of doubt no matter when you start. Your brain will belittle the small beginnings. Your brain will provide all of the reasoning as to why you can’t start that thing now.
But if I’m never going to feel ready, I may as well start now anyway and work on my thoughts instead.
Some thoughts that have been lifelong companions but that have been popping up more often recently:
- If only I’d learned this sooner.
- It’s too late to start something new.
- Learning new things is too hard and I’m too tired.
- Everyone else is so far ahead.
- I don’t have enough time.
- My ideas are not valuable.
These thoughts squash creativity, motivation, faith, and hope. I’m learning to dream again, and not in some mystical “I hope I’ll wake up in a fairy tale land with a mansion where everything will be perfect” but in a realistic way: my thoughts direct my feelings which direct my actions which direct the patterns and trajectory of my life. I’m liberated to dream about what I can create when I believe the best.
Some new thoughts I’m trying on:
- I’m so grateful to be able to learn this now.
- Now is the perfect time to learn this because I’m ready now.
- I can learn new things.
- I didn’t need to learn everything and have my whole life figured out by 18. Life is a process of learning, and I’m learning just what I need right now.
- I have everything I need to learn and grow.
- It’s okay to take small steps.
- I can enjoy the process of learning and changing.
- I can learn new things and rest when I need to.
- It’s not a race. It’s not a competition.
- I don’t have to push myself with unrealistic and impossible expectations.
- I don’t have to compare myself with anyone else. I can let them run their race and give myself permission to run my own.
- The ideas I have are valuable because God gave me a creative mind and He wants me to partner with Him to create good and beautiful things.
- An idea doesn’t have to earn money or be part of a business to be valuable.
- God has given me many ideas so that I can delight in His goodness and all of the beauty He has made in so many different areas.
Trying on new thoughts feels a little bit like trying on swimsuits or jeans. Perhaps we head to the store because we have an upcoming vacation and we will want to go to the beach; or maybe all of our jeans have holes and need replaced. Sometimes, we try on new clothes because we have to. Trying on new thoughts feels a little bit the same way: like nothing else has worked and I’m pretty desperate, otherwise I wouldn’t be here at all because this is really uncomfortable and HARD. However, unlike trying on swimsuits or jeans, trying on new thoughts becomes more natural over time, and if we can push past the uncomfortableness of the process, we might discover that these new thoughts feel GOOD. They’re a little like breathing a new type of air and you wonder where they have been all your life. (Kind of like when you finally find a brand and style of jean that fits so perfectly that you write a review and tell all your friends. Still, the company will probably discontinue those jeans one day, and you’ll cry actual tears about having to start over on the jean hunt. The good news is that these new thoughts never have to be discontinued, and you can add more and more new thoughts to your wheelhouse without breaking the bank!).
Feature Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/brown-scrabble-boards-with-letters-278887/
Cati Grape 